pigsmakemehappy

Of Happiness.

2010-04-05T02:29:00.000+08:00

You can't eat happiness. You can't buy it. You can't wear it. You can't drive it, or drink it, or sell it, or steal it. You can't lock it away. You can't negotiate for it. You can't win it, you can't marry it, you can't inherit it, and you can't cheat it. You can't smoke it, or inject it, or rent it or borrow it. You can't campaign for it or beg for it, or talk other people into giving you theirs.

You can live happiness. You can create it. You can be it. You can give it to others. You can enjoy it. You can share it. You can claim it. You can have as much as you wish. You can enjoy it as much as you want, at any time, under any circumstance. You can work with it, play with it, worship, travel, eat, and sleep with it.

Happiness is yours to live and yours to give, if only you will. It comes from the inside, and the best way to experience it is to get it flowing out. Forget about trying and striving to get happy. Just decide to be happy, and happiness is yours.

You make me happy.

hiatus

2010-03-16T01:04:00.003+08:00

Not coming back here till I'm happy once more.

furrowed brows.

2010-03-15T02:52:00.001+08:00

Check this out. I find it scarily accurate, not 100%, but close.

My mom commented that I've lost weight. Maybe because I see her only once a fortnight, but even I can see it myself. Guess it's time to start having more regular meals, and eating more each time.

I can't find the words to voice out all my thoughts. I am still trying to strike a balance in life. I am trying to figure out who I can rely on for small favours. People always ask me to just tell them what I want, but on the rare occasions that I do, it seems to be either too much to ask for or it's like I never said anything at all. And then they wonder why instead of communicating, I keep everything bottled up.

It is both frustrating and disappointing. Extremely disappointing.

I am tired.

Pent up.

2010-03-09T23:45:00.000+08:00

I don't want to have to listen to the same old things everyday. I don't want to have to talk about work outside of work all the damn time. I don't want to have to listen to advice or solutions all the time when sometimes all I want to do is rant and rave about a bad day, forget about it, then move on to happier things.

I threw the bloody key so hard on the floor I'm surprised it didn't leave a mark.

1. Think MORE.

2. Be firmer.

3. Be more positive.

4. Quit whining.

5. Take control.

6. Colleagues are colleagues. Nothing more, nothing less.

7. Be independent.

Kicking up the leaves.

2010-03-09T02:21:00.000+08:00

Feeling shitty because of some mistakes I made at work today.

Not going to make the same mistakes again.

1. Talk less, listen more.

2. Stop wasting time on NQ people.

3. Be more proactive.

4. Be more focused.

5. Be the example.

6. Treat others the way I wish to be treated.

7. Ask for help, but remember that no one owes me anything.

8. Be grateful and appreciative.

9. Be more positive.

10. Think.

Who wants to watch Alice with me?

2010-03-08T02:44:00.002+08:00

As you can see, I have almost no time to blog these days. The bed is yelling my name so imma make this short.

I'm on my 4th week.

The past few weeks flew by just like that. It's unbelievable.

I'm still the same ol' me, just not the same anymore, if you know what I mean.

///

So often misunderstood.

Way too often.

What can I do to change things?

The tough get going.

2010-02-25T02:01:00.000+08:00

Last week for the first time in my life, I rejected an interview. It felt surreal, and to this day I still cannot believe I did that. Don't know if I made the right decision, but this is the path I chose and all I can do is move forward from here and make the best out of it. Ever since I started work, my dad has been calling almost everyday to check on me. Have never seen him like this before, but it is a good thing. I don't know what else to blog about because all I do these days is work work work and more work. I leave the house in the morning and come back late at night (sometimes past midnight) 6 or 7 days a week. My dog grooming days feel like eons ago; I have yet to complete the course so it's just left dangling there. Really wonder when I'd be able to close that chapter of my life.

In the meantime, I have embarked on a new chapter, and so far it has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride.

Only going to get better.

Yes I am still alive.

2010-02-20T01:09:00.001+08:00

Some creepy half bald 30/40-ish guy asked me out and asked me for my number today, all while grinning widely and disgustingly. Hello goosebumps. Obviously I did not give it to him.

///

Met a middle-aged man and when I asked him some questions, he told me to ask his wife who was somewhere in the crowd behind him. When I asked him who his wife is, he told me "there, the pretty one!"

So sweet:) Gosh I can't stop thinking about how sweet he still is towards his wife even though they already have kid(s).

///

Someone told me I floated around alot today. Didn't realise it. But it's pretty hard to stay motivated and positive when so much crap is happening behind the scenes. I've lost count of the number of times I've had to blink back the tears.

Been doing some reflection on how I prioritise my commitments and spend the hours in my day. It's really been rather disappointing.

I've learnt alot the past week. For one, I've learnt how to shoot out 2 or 3 sentences in a matter of seconds because you only have this very small window of opportunity to grab someone's attention. Also, in this short time period, I've gained and lost faith in quite a few people, mostly because some things have made me sure of or question their integrity.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. Here's to a brand new beginning.

I never told you.

2010-02-10T01:05:00.004+08:00

Left wondering if it's salvageable.

Where has all the passion disappeared to? It's been a long while since I've felt its presence.

And that is heartbreaking in itself.

I miss those blue eyes
How you kiss me at night
I miss the way we sleep

Like there's no sunrise
Like the taste of your smile
I miss the way we breathe

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

I see your blue eyes
Everytime I close mine
You make it hard to see
Where I belong to
When I'm not around you
It's like I'm alone with me

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

But I never told you
What I should have said
No, I never told you
I just held it in

And now,
I miss everything about you
Can't believe that I still want you
And after all the things we've been through
I miss everything about you
Without you

-ColbieCaillat

Believe.

2010-02-08T23:17:00.004+08:00

Is it true that if every aspect of your life seems to be going pretty smoothly, it is too good to last and something is bound to go wrong?

All this talk about taking things/someone for granted. I am finding it a very bitter pill to swallow.

///

In any case, I'm not here to slack or bum around.

There is only one such stroke of luck, the rest of it is up to me.

This pain.

2010-02-08T00:07:00.000+08:00

It's akin to several daggers piercing my heart.

2010-02-04T02:05:00.000+08:00

The answer is: Frankfurt:))))

BAD weather on the 2nd day we were there. Seems like such a long time ago but it's only been maybe 8 months.

Somebody got it right, no surprise there.

******

The good: I have been punctual (EARLY even) the past 2 days.

The bad: Procrastination is a hard habit to kick. Which explains the pile of unread and uncompiled notes.

The ugly: Too much money is going to new clothes because it seems I have ALMOST NOTHING appropriate to wear. Plus irritable bowel syndrome. NEED I SAY MORE.

Pleasepleaseplease I don't want to have diarrhoea AGAIN in the morning!!!

Sweet escape.

2010-02-02T01:53:00.003+08:00

It's only been slightly more than a month since Vietnam and already I want to go on another getaway with you.

Don't think it'd be possible any time soon though:(

Guess where?

Okay another hint since I'm so kind.

This picture is a dead giveaway!!!

A prize, if you get it right:)

[SO easy lah, no way you will get it wrong. No cheating okay!]

The cookie crumbles, but in whose hand.

2010-01-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

Rarely do I feel hopeful for the future. After today, I felt that glimmer. Slight, flickering, but present nonetheless. But all it took was one phone call, one conversation with a few choice sentences sharply executed, to poison the broth and burst the bubble. Already painfully sensitive by nature, such negativity is too much for my current vulnerable self to bear. If you must think out loud, at least have the heart to soften the blow. More often than not, words do the worst damage.

"Nobody remains virgin. Life fucks everyone."

2010-01-27T03:30:00.004+08:00

I hate that my life has no clear direction. 6 months after graduation and I am still as lost as I was when applying to university 4 years ago. I want to finish my grooming course before I start working because I really am making a lot of progress now that I am at the shop nearly everyday, but they won't stop breathing down my neck until I get a job. Damnit, once I start work who knows when I'll be able to finish my course?! One minute they say okay, concentrate on finishing the course first then get a proper job, the next minute they're demanding I find a job asap and telling me I have no income now so I should only eat cheap food etcetcETC (can't even eat one damn subway sandwich without them kbkb-ing). Thinking about it just makes me so angry all over again. In their minds and over the phone, every.single.time.without.fail., "you're not making progress issit? you never go grooming issit? How come so long still not done with the course????". They have no idea how much time I am sacrificing, how hard I'm working at grooming, how much sweat, blood and tears I've shed, all because I don't want to let them down after they paid $6.5K for the course. Do they know how much hard work it is?! Do they understand that picking up so many skills takes time? NO. No matter how many times I explain, they just don't get it. I have tried countless times, they'll never believe me until they try it out themselves first hand. Or even go to the shop to take a look at what I do there everyday. Ha.Ha. When pigs fly. Can't help but cry everytime I have to listen to the same old unreasonable things over the phone or face to face. Am tearing now even as I type this. What's wrong with a career in professional dog grooming? What's wrong with a career in conservation? What's wrong with taking the road less traveled? Why do I have to get a "proper" job just because that's what they did? What about what I want to do? Roos said it right. Growing up's a bitch.

Jumbled.

2010-01-22T03:19:00.000+08:00

It feels like ages since I've been able to bum around at my own place. This almost always inevitably leads to me sleeping late. Not good.

I finally got to swim on Tuesday. Only managed 6 laps before I called it quits because 1. I didn't have goggles so wasted energy trying to keep my head above water while swimming and 2. It started to drizzle.

Yah lah. Excuses -.-

Going to swim again next Tuesday! Borrowed a pair of his goggles so hopefully I manage more laps then. I'd better, I'm not THAT unfit. hurhur.

Grooming is taking over my life:( Mixed feelings about grooming really. I mostly enjoy it, I want to be bloody good at it, I am working my ass off to improve everyday, but... :(

Sometimes I wonder why I didn't just take the easy route. Why put myself through all this?! Urgh.

Reminder.

2010-01-18T01:28:00.000+08:00

Read this on someone's blog.

This hits too close to home.

Crestfallen.

2010-01-16T02:02:00.000+08:00

I guess the shocking discovery made me feel, yet again, like I wasn't good enough.

"Just feel lucky and don't let go"

2010-01-14T01:22:00.000+08:00

I should celebrate. I finally managed to finish a book since time in memorial. There are quite a few half-read ones lying around O.O

I would love to own this book.

This is the book that managed to keep me awake on long train rides the past few days. It made me weep like a baby especially towards the end. Had to blink like a lunatic on the train to keep the tears at bay. Don't know why it's so hard for me to differentiate between reality and fiction when I'm firmly entrenched in a book or movie; damn my heart and emotions.

Anyway I love it!! Witty, funny, original, insightful, and full of wonderful quotes!:)

"... the world's greatest romances are characterized by a sense that the chase has never quite ended, that lasting fervor is the product of a shared knowledge that either party could walk at any moment, only they won't because neither one could really live without the other."

Bloop.

2010-01-13T03:58:00.001+08:00

2 days in a row, I woke up with the intention of swimming and 2 days in a row I didn't swim.

Yesterday, we decided not to take the risk because the sky looked ominous (it didn't rain in the end plus I already had my swimwear on underneath my clothes :/) and so we headed to AMK instead because he was craving for KOI bubble tea. Ooh the claypot rice there is pretty good! But $6/person is quite pricey for the heartlands.

Today I could have gone swimming but it was too hot at noon and I'd just had lunch and I didn't want to wait around school with nothing to do for a couple of hours so I came home instead-.-

MUST go swimming soon!!

OH YA I FINALLY BOUGHT THE SHOES!!!!!:) I bought the last pair in my size it is meant to be mine all along I tell you. My life is now complete.

Damn hungry now and my cough is getting worse and I should be sleeping so baiz.

Goodies from Korea:)

2010-01-11T01:07:00.003+08:00

Someone bought so many things back for me from Korea!!!

Accessories!! 2 Hairbands, 2 pairs of earrings, 1 necklace.

Food! Some chocolate sticks thingie with special significance. Apparently Korean couples exchange this on 11th Nov (11.11 - looks like sticks) every year.

Face masks!!! Someone knows me so well:)

A flying pig that has a tail that spins in the wind. So cute!! It is hanging by the window now:D

Thank you, you:)))) <3

Bitten by the mountain-climbing bug.

2010-01-09T02:23:00.006+08:00

I am back from Sabah!

It was an AMAZING experience, one I'm not going to forget anytime soon.

I freaking conquered Mount Kinabalu!!!!

Watching the sunrise from Low's Peak (the summit!)

While climbing up those endless stairs and maneuvering my way up those steep sloping rocks, my fatigue got to me and every step forward was a forced, torturous one.

The climb down was actually MUCH more painful - I wanted to die. My poor knees and thighs and ankles :(

Now that I am back, I actually WANT to climb another mountain! Insanity.

Post-trip suffering: I have never known such pain or immobility in my life. The sorethroat I have developed is the icing on the cake :(

Will post some pictures when I get them!

Ain't no mountain high enough.

2010-01-03T00:50:00.002+08:00

Just a few minutes ago, I discovered that I'd received an email from a very important person with the subject title "top priority from korea" :))))

I love receiving things (material or immaterial) when I least expect it. This time around I did not expect it at all, and so it resulted in me grinning from ear to ear. The fact that he took the time and effort to drop me the email makes me feel special and loved.

<3<3<3

Oh and also, my mother offered to buy the pair of shoes for me, and even a Fossil watch that I'd been eyeing! She'd forgotten about her offer within a few hours, but it doesn't matter. Just the generous gesture alone was enough to lift my heart:)

The secret to being happy, I believe, is to take delight in the little things.

In a few hours' time, will be heading to Sabah to conquer Mt Kinabalu.

There is no mountain too high, bring it on!

No, I don't want to talk about it.

2010-01-02T03:03:00.001+08:00

Some random thoughts going through my head.

-I've always been a thinker and feeler, not a talker.

-He's on the plane to Korea now.

-2009 made me more cynical and jaded than I thought was possible.

-I'm no longer holding on to certain "friendships", because they have come to mean nothing to me.

-I don't believe most of the things that people say these days.

-Wondering where the bookworm in me has disappeared to.

-Will I EVER get hired?

-I made so many stupid decisions in 2009. 2010 HAS GOT to be different.

-I had only 1 meal today. Going to bed fungry and hoping I won't develop gastric.

-Nope, I haven't bought those shoes I've been and still dreaming about.

-Romantic comedies and fairytales have probably ruined me and my expectations. C'mon wake up and smell the coffee, real life is NOT like that.

-Will my dream of working on a farm come true this year?

-I don't intend to submit his name to complete the family tree, because hello we are not even close to being married and this might just jinx the relationship instead.

-Need me some happy.

hello 2010.

2010-01-01T04:41:00.000+08:00

Feeling the blues in the early morning of New Year's Day.

I just want to be happy.

And loved.

Of fatness and shoes.

2009-12-31T03:34:00.005+08:00

Freaking tired today for a number of reasons:

-Insufficient sleep

-Very busy day at the grooming shop

-Crazily fat corgi that I had to bathe and lift up and down multiple times, losing my balance and collapsing almost every time. I am positive he weighs more than I do. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO LOSE WEIGHT.

Met RuRu for dinner today (I ate the yellow ginger chicken rice thing again HOHOHO), after which we walked around and fell instantly in love with a few pairs of shoes.

Cant.Stop.Thinking.About.Said.Shoes.

Been feeling very restless the whole night because of said shoes. -_________-

And also because I miss this place:(((((

One day without seeing you and already I feel so empty.
9 days is going to be torture:(

Deeelightful December.

2009-12-30T04:19:00.001+08:00

This has been a very busy December.

Been packing and unpacking nonstop for KL, Vietnam, Malacca, and I have to start packing for Sabah!!

Have been feeling super lazy these days. Just want to bum around and/or hang out with him even though we have been spending a lot of time together this month. Not looking forward to next month:(

Oh because he knows how much I've been wanting to play Tetris, he found and downloaded it into his PSP for me!!!:))))

This has also been a month of movies.

So far in the past 1.5 weeks since I came back from Ho Chi Minh City, I've seen Planet 51, The Hangover, Avatar and Sherlock Holmes! All with him I realise hahaha:)

Planet 51 - He REALLLLY wanted to watch this show. I quote him "MUST SEE movie of the year". O.O Luckily for him it did not disappoint. It's very cute and sweet and funny. I remember having a laughing fit at one point but can't remember which part was so funny haiyah. Anyway, who knew characters without noses can look so adorable!

The Hangover - We saw this on his PSP while we were in Malacca. Good twist at the end! And pretty funny too.

Avatar - What can I say that hasn't already been said. LOVED IT TO BITS. Someone slept through the first 1/3 of the show. -ahem-

Sherlock Holmes - Very good show too! A little bit confusing, gonna have to see it again to truly understand everything. He prefers it to avatar HAHAHA. RobertDowneyJr rocked his role:)

We have yet to watch 500 Days of Summer on his PSP. Maybe we'll do that on Thursday?

Okay my bed's calling. Tata.

And it ended with a bang.

2009-12-22T02:58:00.004+08:00

Back from Vietnam.

It started off great but didn't end that well.

Perhaps 7 nights was too many; I had hoped that after Europe we would be able to handle things better.

I guess not.

///

It already sucks to be insecure. Come on, who WANTS to be insecure?

But to have someone shout at you for it? Especially when it's someone so important and close to your heart?

It is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Short Updates!

2009-12-14T03:57:00.007+08:00

Been really busy recently, haven't had time to blog!

1. Made a trip to KL (not for leisure) and came back with a sore throat and flu-.- Am much better now though!

2. Rushed to complete and submit report!

3. Watched Beyond A Reasonable Doubt with him. VERY GOOD SHOW!! Makes you think! Although the ending made me damn pekcek haha.

4. Rushed to complete and submit powerpoint slides for presentation.

5. Dinner and shoe-shopping with roos;) Have new $40 heels that I will force myself to wear soon (ahem roos hahaha)

6. Timbre with German Immersion gang!

7. Rushed to prepare "speech" for presentation (99% of what I wrote down was not used in the end-.-)

8. Few hours after #7, presentation! SO glad it's finally over and I have my certificate:)

9. Indulged in a womanly activity HAHAHA. After which I signed up for a package that has left me in debt:( Damnit.

10. Older brother's birthday dinner! Oh and we gave our father his birthday presents 2 weeks early cos my older brother's damn excited about them-.-

11. Days in between #1-8 and today were spent grooming dogs.

12. Today was my first day using my clippers! Shaved down 2 dogs today:)) Am another step closer:)))

13. Leaving for Vietnam in less than 12hours!!!

Hopeful for 7 days of bliss(:

Can you hear me?

2009-12-03T23:51:00.001+08:00

Today was another dreary day of wet weather and gloomy skies.

This is nothing unusual seeing that it is the month of December after all.

But today was much worse than any other day for so many reasons.

;

I found a seat on the train next to an elderly Malay lady, glad to be relieved of my heavy bags for a while.

She smells like a freshly disinfected public toilet, I thought to myself.

Perhaps she is a cleaner.

Sitting opposite us was a pair of young twins, girls.

Longingly I stared at them, observing the way they interacted, envious that they had each other and I had no one.

As I silently wished that I had someone to talk to, to occupy my tired emotional mind for just a while, the Malay lady suddenly spoke to me.

We talked about the twins, who was the older/younger one, how she has 4 sons and longs for a daughter.

I noticed that her blusher occupied almost her entire face, her eyeshadow was too dark, and her lipstick was too red.

I have always wanted a sister, but I didn't tell her that.

And when I had to leave, we bidded each other farewell.

Maybe God is listening after all.

Give me a sign.

2009-12-03T03:48:00.006+08:00

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we're wired that way. Because without it, I don't know; maybe we just wouldn't feel real. What's that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

*

Soon, I will be face to face with one of the most significant life-changing moments of my life.

And I will be doing it all on my own.

For a while there I was all snuggled up in this amazingly foolish bubble of hope that someone would be there to hold my hand and walk with me side by side on this frightening journey.

I rarely ask for sacrifices to be made for me.

Because I've always known that I deserve no such thing; the world does not revolve around me.

What made me think that this time would be any different.

A lone ranger. That's me.

Maybe this is my destiny.

FREE WOMAN!

2009-11-30T18:29:00.003+08:00

I am a FREE WOMAN!!!

I never thought I'd survive the past 3months1week! So happy to be alive.

No more having to drag my sorry ass out of bed every morning at an unearthly hour.

No more having to ... do a lot of things I don't want to do.

(for the time being anyway)

This calls for a celebratory nap will come back here laterz!:D

*Pictures with animals and funny captions (like the one shown above) seen on this blog are all from icanhascheezburger unless otherwise stated.

Icanhasgeezburger.

2009-11-27T22:57:00.006+08:00

Happy Hari Raya Haji.

Happy. ha. ha. ha. That's funny.

When I walked past the other day I saw this pair of slippers under the bench and there was no one in sight. Kinda creepy, huh. And the next day when I walked past again, they were gone.

Looks like someone ran out of space in their house to hang their laundry.

"This is beagle, not smaller" <--- T's joke -____-

Anyway I love beagles and this one is super cute! She and her brother (I think) are sooo smart. They would pull at each other's leashes to untie themselves and then run free around the shop. So I had to keep running after them to catch them.

I think because I petted this one while she was still tied up, when she managed to release herself AGAIN she somehow found her way to me and when I looked down I saw her at my feet. So sweet:)))

Oh and she has no voice. Whenever I see her barking I would see that her mouth is open and she is frantic for no reason but there's no sound coming from her whatsoever. Already, I can tell that she makes a great pet.

And I wanted to kill myself that day at grooming.

I had to cut the nails of a pretty difficult dog who kept threatening to bite me, so I cut his hind nails first. That took a while:/

Then, I moved on to the next dog. Completely forgetting about his front nails
-_______________________-

And when T asked me why I didn't cut the dog's nails I very indignantly said that I did but when I went to inspect the nails I realised I didn't cut the front.

BAFFLED. I really thought I cut all his nails lah:(

They had the time of their lives laughing at me, especially at the confused expression on my face:((((

And then when I left the shop, I realised I had no idea where I'd put my smock and socks because I thought I'd stuffed them into my bag but they were not there.

Worried that I had dropped them somewhere I texted J to ask him to help me check the shop but he didn't reply so I called the shop and asked T to help me check and she found them stuffed in my locker together with my shoes -_________-

Someone, get me psychiatric help.

*

After dinner today, I dragged myself all the way to NTUC to buy another pack of 6 of green tea for $2.95. I kind of panicked at the thought of only 2 cans left in my fridge
-.- (Came home and found 3)

Anyway, $2.95!! SO CHEAP. If you buy one can from a vending machine, it'd cost you at least 90cents.

I'm a slave for you.

Wilting.

2009-11-26T22:06:00.000+08:00

There's nothing more precious in this world than the feeling of being wanted.
-Diana Dors

Not a day goes by that I do not question my worth.

Cereal is not just for eating.

2009-11-24T23:49:00.005+08:00

I don't really spend a lot of money on myself. I think I spend the most on food and on Nougat.

I don't buy make-up. I used to but they just collected dust in a godforsaken corner of my room so decided not to waste anymore money.

I don't spend on things like eyelash extensions, manicures/pedicures, eyebrow threading, brazilian waxing HAHAHA

I am not a real girl:(

(eh then where did all my hard-earned money go ah)

But I am willing to spend money on face masks! Because my skin is like crap and I think having good skin is more important than looking good with make-up on, because if you don't have good skin then you are nothing without your make-up.

(sidetrack: The other day! I saw a middle-aged woman with FLAWLESS skin!! No wrinkles, no freckles, no pores. Smoother than toufu I tell you. I think she has good genes the lucky woman because her mother has similar skin. I am so envious:()

Plus my skin is ultimate sensitive so can't use alot of skincare products besides the mildest mildest ones. Even my skin doctor at Mount Elizabeth can't help me because I'm allergic to her antibiotics and pimple cream-___-

Oh the antibiotics worked great for my skin BUT I developed chest pains ZZzzzZz which were so bad that I couldn't eat properly (NIGHTMARE) so I had to stop them.

Anyway, RuRu and I bought these the other day.

We have tried the one on the right. It is an oil-absorbing mud mask. She seemed pleased with it but I think it's too drying for my skin! Like even after I washed it off it's like I didn't wash properly cos my skin still felt so tight. It smells pretty good though.

Am going to try the other one later. Hopefully it works better for me otherwise RuRu can have it haha.

I recently bought these at 3 for $12! I tried the mung bean one (for smooth, clean skin) the other day and it's quite good!! Smells GREAT:)

And after I peeled off the mask my skin felt soft and smooth and supple! The effect didn't last that long though so probably have to use the masks regularly for better results.

****** ****** ******

ZOMG so much reading to do how I'm worried:(

The Great Couple Meme!

2009-11-24T01:07:00.003+08:00

I got this from Pinkpau and got him to do it.
Why do I get the feeling that we don't know each other that well:(

My answers!

tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
It was during German class and he was usually abit late for class. Even later than me sometimes haha. Frau Geiser would always pick on him for some reason while he would crack lame jokes in class. Didn’t notice anything else other than him being tall and dark.

what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
Randomly humming or breaking into song; grinning at me widely for no reason at all until his eyes disappear; touching his face nonstop!

what makes him/her happy?:
Cars; playing racing games/psp/mafia on fb; watching car programmes like topgear; reading topgear magazines; meeeee???

what makes him/her sad?:
A lot of times it’s me; knowing he has disappinted someone

what makes him/her angry?:
Lousy drivers on the road; being inconvenienced; incompetence.

what excites him/her?
Cars; (new) racing games; looking at the wii/new psp console from afar; learning new things

tell us something funny about him/her:
Before he got to know me he used to have trouble sleeping long hours. No matter what time he went to bed he’d always wake up really early like 6/7/8am. Things have changed drastically since getting to know me. Maybe I am so boring that I can be used to cure insomnia!

what’s s/he like at home?:
He’d be in his pajamas the whole day if he isn’t going out. Day will be spent snacking, playing games, surfing the internet, watching tv, studying (sometimes), napping.

what’s s/he like at work/school?:
He’d be hanging out with his 2 buddies, trying not to fall asleep in class hahahaha. Actually I’m not sure about this lah we were not in the same course.

describe his/her room:
Tiny, piles of things stacked up in various corners of the room, there’s a pole to hang his clothes outside his wardrobe, single bed with a spare mattress underneath, car models arranged on his shelves, figurines and books and random things in cabinets.

what’s his/her best friend like?:
Don’t think he has a best friend. He used to be quite close to this indian guy in JC. Nowadays he usually hangs out with his 2 uni buddies and occasionally his army friends. His 2 uni buddies are full of lame jokes and good food recommendations from what I hear.

do you know who s/he hates the most?:
Don’t think he hates anyone.

have you met his/her exes?:
Nope.

do his/her parents like you?:
Think they are alright with me. His mother said I have a teh voice:((((

what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee:
Shit or ouch?

what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?:
Keep calm and take necessary action or call someone for advice.

which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:
The game shop

what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?:
Whatever his parents buy home. Usually it’s wanton mee. Sometimes he has cereal and milk (banana nut crunch or blueberry nut crunch)

where would s/he want to go for dinner?:
Anywhere with a mind-boggling variety of cheap food so that he can eat many different things without having to spend a lot ala hawker centre. Sometimes we splurge on places like fish&co for the seafood platter. Most of the time we eat wherever I want to eat cos he’s easy-going like that.

what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?:
He’s not that picky. He usually watches whatever I or his friends want to watch.

describe his/her taste in music:
Anything but techno and hard rock

if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
Someone less sensitive

what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn:
It used to be the long sleeved white shirt with the red/white striped collar but he really likes it for some unknown reason and I think I’ve gotten used to it.

what is s/he good at?:
Identifying random cars on the road, racing games, psp games, driving

what is s/he totally horrible at?:
keeping his stinky farts in

what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?:
That he doesn’t give me a warning before he lets a silent fart bomb rip so I have to suffer especially when we’re in the same room.

what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?:
Can't think of anything.

what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:
That bratty kids are so damn annoying; parents have to be strict with their kids. That excessive PDA is unnecessary.

is s/he possessive?:
Nope.

why would s/he succeed in life?:
Because he knows what he wants and is smart and works hard.

what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?:
Homemade muffins with coloured sprinkles on them that spelled out Dil <3 Janice. The fullstop was a huge chocolate chip hahahaha

what is s/he obsessed with?:
Cars and games

what does s/he avoid at all costs?:
Smoking and getting drunk

what does s/he spend the most money on?:
Food and me.

describe his/her typical sunday:
Wake up. Switch on computer. Have breakfast. Play games. Bum around and/or study. Meet me for lunch/dinner sometimes.

why would s/he be dangerous?:
His lame jokes make you want to kill yourself HAHAHA

tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous:
He looks cute most of the time, especially when he’s recently had a good haircut and when he’s wearing his white/black t-shirt with his black/checkered berms.

what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
That he reflects on his actions and words especially after knowing he did something out of character or not so nice.

what do you love most about him/her?:
The way he always forgives me so easily, and his willingness to make sacrifices for me.

the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:
Forgiveness, and to put aside my pride when I’m in the wrong, and that sometimes love is enough.

****** ****** ******

His answers!

tell us about the first time you met and your first impression of him/her:
in german class, always has a partner in crime.

what’s a weird habit or quirk that s/he has?:
likes to put her hands in MY pockets.

what makes him/her happy?:
chilli padi condiments.

what makes him/her sad?:
watching dogs/ animals in pain.

what makes him/her angry?:
when doubts are raised on her.

what excites him/her?
surprises

tell us something funny about him/her:
cannot touch dustbins along the streets

what’s s/he like at work/school?:
soft spoken at work

what’s s/he like at home?:
totally opposite at home

describe his/her room:
as tidy as my room, i like.

what’s his/her best friend like?:
has 2 but only met one. The one i met is pretty likeable a person from that short interaction time we have.

do you know who s/he hates the most?:
probably her uncle at the moment

have you met his/her exes?:
havent met the exes yet, wonder when the time will come.

do his/her parents like you?:
according to her, parents do find me ok.

what’s the first thing s/he would do or say if s/he fell down and scraped their knee:
"aiyoh, poor thing...........now the ground has a hole" as if la haha. wil probably piggy back our dear princess

what would s/he do in an emergency situation with other people involved?:
what emergency situation?? thats too brief

which shop would s/he spend the most time at in a shopping mall?:
probably more time spent at boutiques then comes pet shops

what would s/he have for a typical breakfast?:
probably apollo cakes at the moment. would prefer chilli padi if its available

where would s/he want to go for dinner?:
bugis mala

what kind of movie would s/he choose at the cinema?:
non-horror, chick flicks preferred

describe his/her taste in music:
english soft rock, chinese jay chou

if s/he wasnt going out with you, who would s/he be going out with?:
im interested to know too, pls tell me who.

what item in his/her wardrobe would you like to burn:
dont think theres anything i wanna burn

what is s/he good at?:
shes pretty good at fashion design and plucking hairs around my neck

what is s/he totally horrible at?:
appreciating my coolness and awesomeness

what’s something about him/her that is annoying/infuriating?:
periodic indecisiveness

what’s something that you two fundamentally disagree on?:
havent really thought of one fundamental disagreement

what’s something that you two agree whole-heartedly on?:
company is more important

is s/he possessive?:
nope

why would s/he succeed in life?:
shes one who would stand by her principles, thats important in life to gain respect of others.

what is the coolest gift that s/he has ever given you?:
a handmade weave box. (ahem, where is it??)

what is s/he obsessed with?:
washing hands

what does s/he avoid at all costs?:
talking abt not so nice stuffs

what does s/he spend the most money on?:
nougat no doubt

describe his/her typical sunday:
waking up later than usual, then grooming

why would s/he be dangerous?:
she'll burn with her hotness

tell us about a time s/he looked absolutely gorgeous:
feb 14th date when we went out

what’s something about him/her that would surprise all of his/her friends?:
her hidden niceness HAHAHAA

what do you love most about him/her?:
her sudden spontaneous chains of thought that click

the biggest lesson you have learnt from loving your partner:
patience from love

Knight in Shining Pajamas

2009-11-22T23:53:00.001+08:00

Was really busy at work on Friday.

I did quizzes.

Personality quizzes. HAHAHA

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (43%) moderately low which suggests you are worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.
Orderliness (50%) medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.
Extraversion (46%) medium which suggests you are moderately talkative, outgoing, sociable and interacting.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Everything also moderate. Not definitive at all -___-

Took a personality disorder test too but the results uh..didn't make sense.

Obtained highest score for Borderline: individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Meaning what? I object. I am NOT emotionally unstable:( -delusional-

****** ****** ******

Surprise, a semblance of a social life:)

Had mala steamboat with Chongmama on Friday after work. While waiting in line for an empty table, I pointed to an empty table just next to the road and jokingly asked her "Can we take that one" because I was starving by that time lah.

In the end, we really got that table-.-

At least we got to see interesting stuff. Like these 2 ladies who were boarding a cab, and CMM commented on their 3/4 exposed generous bosoms and obviously I turned to look and immediately zoomed in on the chest area (fake boobs because they didn't wobble when the girls walked HAHAHA).

Because I was too busy scrutinising their bowling balls, I didn't notice that they were actually she-males. CMM only told me after they left-.-

And I am not satisfied with the meal at all because I wasn't full enough!! Okay fine, I was actually still hungry. Urgh. If we hadn't had to rush to catch our movie I could have eaten much more:( Craving not yet satisfied:((

Oh we watched 2012. Really action-packed and the side stories are pretty touching. The female lead Amanda Peet acted in A Lot Like Love which is one of my favourite movies of all time! The effects were not bad but quite unbelievable. I prefer movies which don't veer too far from real life.

It was a pretty long movie too. By the time it ended it was already midnight and we were stuck in town. zZzzz.

Luckily my Knight In Shining Pajamas volunteered to come save us from expensive cab rides (midnight surcharge!) And also to spend some time with me I hope:)))<3

He also took time off studying for his exams to accompany me for lunch today:))))

Thank you for the surprise visit baby:)

Pandora's Box

2009-11-22T04:21:00.004+08:00

I am reading the book Like The Flowing River by Paulo Coelho, and it is one of the most inspiring and thought-provoking books I have ever come across.

Will be posting excerpts from it from time to time.

Today's excerpt is for people who have been subjected to ridicule and oppression just for exercising independent thought and for refusing to conform to expectations. Just like how I was treated tonight.

No one with such a bigoted view of the world has the right to lecture me about something he knows shit about and then arrogantly ask "have you thought about that".

How about you step down from your freaking high horse and if you're lucky you might discover that we are living in the year 2009.

Pandora takes with her a box which she has been forbidden to open. However, just as with Eve in Christian mythology, her curiosity gets the better of her. She lifts the lid to see what is inside and, at that moment, all the evils of the world fly out and scatter about the earth. Only one thing remains inside: hope.

So, despite the fact that everything contradicts this, despite my sadness and my feelings of impotence, despite being almost convinced at this moment that nothing will ever get better, I cannot lose the one thing that keeps me alive: hope - that word treated with such irony by pseudo-intellectuals, who consider it a synonym of 'deceit'. That word, so manipulated by governments, who make promises they know they will not keep, and thus inflict even more wounds on people's hearts. That word that so often rises with us in the morning, gets sorely wounded as the day progresses, dies at nightfall, and is reborn with the new day.

Yes, there is a saying that states that 'You cannot argue with force'; but there is another saying: 'Where there's life, there's hope.'

-Pandora's Box, Paulo Coelho

Grace In Small Things #2

2009-11-22T00:12:00.001+08:00

1. Very interesting and entertaining class on Legal Management this morning.

2. Good lunch with him (the company, not the food)

3. Grooming went relatively well today.

4. Like The Flowing River by Paulo Coelho.

5. Making progress with fixing of horrifically clashing event dates.

6. 5 more working days!

7. Not hungry at this hour for once.

Little Miss Lonely

2009-11-19T21:45:00.013+08:00

Just took a shower much earlier than usual so that I can smell nicer sooner.

Only thing that I looked forward to today besides getting off work.

Life has been... lonely ever since I left school.

Sigh.

Welcome to Loserville, population one.

Edit: I am such a moody bitch it is no wonder things have come to this. Just ship me off to Indonesia to slog on padi fields and be done with it. Whoever wants Nougat can have him.

Grace In Small Things #1

2009-11-19T00:32:00.006+08:00

I first read about this from her quite a long time ago, and I just did a search and found this!

Since my life hasn't been much to shout about lately (understatement of the year, yo), I have finally decided that now is the time to embark on this mini project. You never know, this could be the thing that saves me-.-

1. I don't have to pay rent/electricity/water/phone bills... yet.

2. I don't have to watch my diet. I can eat anything I want and not gain weight. Sometimes even losing weight after gorging on food like there's no tomorrow-.- Ironically, I am the person with a non-existent sweet tooth.

3. My new shampoo and body liquid soap have scents so awesome I look forward to showers everyday now. Nice scents bring out the happy in me:)

4. I have more or less recovered from my sorethroat and flu. Still have a little bit of cough now though. Amazingly it didn't take that long even without medication or sufficient sleep. Maybe the EM worked afterall!

5. 3 hour nap after work today -glee-

6. My ears are FINALLY well on the road to recovery hallelujahthankyouJesus!

Santa Can You Hear Me?

2009-11-18T23:00:00.009+08:00

Slightly more than a month to go before Christmas is here again.

Already the shopping malls are decked out in tacky decorations and have started blaring festive tunes.

Sometimes I think it is an atrocious waste of money to do all these because honestly, how many people here in Singapore celebrate Christmas much less know the true meaning behind it?

I, for one, couldn’t care less about it right now. I do believe in Jesus Christ but I doubt I could fully embrace the religious life. It has been a while since I even prayed properly.

I always wonder, is it not enough to be a good person?

Not saying that I am a good person per se.

Seeing the current sorry state my life is in, I am all set to be the Grinch who steals Christmas this year.

****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******

8 more work days till I am freed from the evil clutches of my current job. 7 if next Friday is a public holiday.

Please note that I use the word "job" loosely.

99% of the time, I have absolutely nothing work-related to do and spend most of the day

1. reading daily news online/in newspapers

2. feeling my blood pressure shoot up from reading absurd things on STOMP (articles and comments alike)

3. pulling at my hair

4. using toothpicks to help my eyelids stay up

5. muffling my screams of frustration whenever someone's phone rings (which is practically the whole day) or whenever there is unneccessary noise like careless banging against the glass doors or dropping of things on table tops

6. escaping to the toilet to catch 40 winks (need to preserve my sanity which is at stake here)

7. fb/twitter/blog stalking

8. sending out my CV and cover letters

9. worrying and/or staring into space (ie: black hole)

10. checking my email accounts/the time

All these take a grand total of... 15 minutes.

Repeat throughout the day.

****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******

Green tea is my happy drug. Unfortunately, it is now out of stock in this house -cue funeral march-

(Speaking of funerals, the person who selected me for the summer programme'07 at UNSW and who commented during the interview that I am a "glutton for punishment" passed away yesterday. If not for him I wouldn't have had one of the best experiences of my life. It is probably too late to tell you this, but thank you.)

(Isn't it always like this, we only appreciate things/people after they are gone. Why do we never learn?)

My Girlfriend is an Agent

2009-11-16T00:15:00.001+08:00

HILARIOUS MOVIE!! Practically laughed throughout. The guy lead Jae-Joon is a total idiot. But he can be pretty sweet. Utterly devoted to Soo-Ji(?), if you can forget that he abandoned her for 3 years-.- And also if you can forget that he enthusiastically buried his head into the Russian girl's (Natasha) well-endowed chest when he had the chance to-.-

I highly recommend this movie if you need a mood lifter! Even if it's just for a couple of hours, better than nothing, right?

Watching this movie was possibly the highlight of my gloomy week.

Hand

2009-11-15T23:48:00.000+08:00

How heartbreaking is this?

A Stitch in Time

2009-11-14T01:43:00.004+08:00

Mom in China. Dad in Thailand. Older brother in Malaysia. Younger brother and I in Singapore.

Damnit, tell me again, why am I here?!

****** ****** ****** ****** ****** *******

A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. You think more people would listen to what he had to say. I don't know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I'd have to say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you're wrong? What if you're making a mistake you can't undo? The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we hadn't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves what Benjamin Franklin really meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying.

-Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

****** ****** ****** ****** ****** ******

Do you feel the distance?

Unloved.

I see the broken glass in front of me

2009-11-10T23:24:00.001+08:00

Just watched Jennifer's Body with RuRu. It's quite a good show! And I lovelovelove the soundtrack!! Although everytime there was some scary part coming up I would like squint so I could half see half not see what's going on -.- As if that would make it less frightening.

But! There were some funny parts too! Think everyone around me could hear my periodic cackling -shifty eyes-

Plus I am down with a sorethroat and flu so I sound like a monster. Shall comfort myself by believing I have a sexy husky voice for once in my life -.-

Being sick sucks ass:( Felt so nauseous and sickly the whole day while blowing my nose and shoving herbal candy down my swollen throat. Had to keep fighting the urge to close my eyes and snooze at work:(

This is what my German host mother calls EM. She practically worships this thing because it apparently has healing powers/keeps people in the pink of health. She gave me this to bring back home when I left Muenster:) While I was there I was down with flu one day and she let me drink some of it and the next day the flu was gone! Poof it's like magic. Have had it twice since I got sick but it seems to have lost it's magic powers:((( Maybe I need to be in Germany for it to work -.-

It looks like orange-coloured salt. And it's salty like salt. Just have to mix it in with some hot water.

Come on EM, work your magic! I don't want to be sick anymore:(((

My Father's Lexus

2009-11-09T23:30:00.008+08:00

It's huge. It's fast. It's powerful.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Meet Lex. Short for Lexus.

He has such beautiful hazel eyes:)

Pretty!

Look at the size of his head -.- Not so sure about the contents though. Most likely 100% occupied by thoughts of food, or non-food for that matter. Behind these hazel eyes... lie a big empty space.

"I know I KNOW there is an intruder in the house! I'm gobbling up this wad of used tissue paper as fast as I can!" -.-

A single ear dwarfs my palm.

Look at him eyeing me suspiciously. No idea why he would be annoyed, just meddling with his ears only what hurhur.

Thank goodness I'm not the unlucky one who has to give him baths. My back lives.

The price is right

2009-11-06T19:41:00.004+08:00

Saw these on a website my brother just introduced to me.

Penguin USB 2.0 4-Port Hub, USD$5.92

Looking at it just makes me snigger to myself. Isn't it cute??? Imagine it hanging out by the side of your laptop keeping you company:) Plus it won't run away like a certain other creature would -I'm looking at you, Nougat-

Panda Universal Cell Phone Battery Charger, USD$3.52

This handy little travel charger can charge batteries of cell phones, PDAs, digital cameras and digital camcorders! Of course there are some technical restrictions like compatibility with the right voltage outputs etc.

But anyway yes, I want to turn my house into a zoo. How did you guess?!

I am sooo tempted to buy these 2 even though I have no real need for them -.- The numbers just look so small and harmless, don't tell me you're not tempted also!

****** ****** ****** ****** ******

Today at work, the cleaning lady came into the office as usual to clear the rubbish bins. Guess what she did.

She TOUCHED MY HAIR!!!

I normally don't mind it if your hands are somewhat clean, but she has been touching the brooms and bins and whatnot!

She probably noticed the fleeting look of horror on my face (was I THAT obvious -.-), so she hurriedly proclaimed that her hands are clean. I am sure they are lah! And she can still say I have very thick hair and to look at how thin and soft hers are while she caressed her curly ponytail o.O

Aiyah but she's a nice lady, always making small talk with people (albeit a tad too loudly) so I wasn't that annoyed. Will be sure to not have my back facing her from now on though.

****** ****** ****** ****** ******

My ears -.-

I have been having problems with my ultra sensitive ears ever since I got my first 2 ear piercings at the tender age of 4 or 5.

Seriously, what made me think getting another 2 more piercings was a good idea?!

At the rate this is going, it will probably take another 10 years for the condition of the new piercings to stabilise :(

corpse>me

2009-11-05T23:40:00.000+08:00

Bought a pair of rhodium earrings to replace the studs that came with the new piercings cos surprise surprise, I've developed an allergic reaction/infection from the cheap useless studs.

Not looking forward to the replacement process.

But then again, what is short-term physical pain compared to the long drawn-out dull ache of emotional torment?

Better think twice before spending time with me nowadays. You'd be better off hanging out with a rotting corpse.

At least a corpse isn't capable of rolling its eyes at you or of causing you undue distress (unless it suddenly starts talking or something), neither does it evade issues nor assume things.

Struggling to stop thinking about ending it all.

Unwrap my heart and tell me what you see.

2009-11-04T20:43:00.010+08:00

Was asked to wrap 2 bags of gifts today. Everyone that walked past marvelled at how prettily I had wrapped them up.

Sure, having my efforts recognised lifted my heavy heart for those few seconds. But ultimately, I didn't care much for the compliments. Gift wrapping is not exactly rocket science. Neither is being good at it/obsessive/perfectionistic going to feed me and my pet rabbit.

******

I am chronicling my day to day emotions of lost and helplessness, hoping that one fine day I will look back, read these entries,

and be glad for all those countless nights of sobbing violently into my pillow, crushed by feelings of despair and hopelessness,

and think, I have become stronger and wiser for it.

The Blue Mansion and The Little Black Sock

2009-11-04T03:21:00.004+08:00

Watched The Blue Mansion on Sunday. It's a pretty good show with a unique plot. There was one part that was so funny that I had a laughing fit that lasted a good few minutes, but somehow now I can't remember what happened in the show that was so hilarious-.- Sheesh my short term memory clearly leaves much to be desired.

Gone are the days of greedily devouring one glorious new movie after another. No longer do I have a regular movie-watching partner :(

Oh yeah, spotted a strangely familiar little black sock at the void deck of the next block that very same day. The thought that it might belong to me did cross my mind but it seemed too ridiculous to entertain.

Today while getting ready for work, I discovered with a sinking heart that I was missing one little black sock.

My life is one big unfunny joke, possibly with a sick twist at the end. You just know it's coming.

借口

2009-11-04T02:58:00.005+08:00

-Emoing to Jay Chou songs-

Skipped dinner and napped for nearly 5 hours after coming home from work today, then woke up for supper.

Don't look at me like that, the past 2 days of work have been immensely torturous and I needed a way to alleviate my exhaustion.

This morning I fell asleep on the bus and almost got thrown off my seat when the bus made a sharp turn. Have I not done enough to embarrass myself?! -slaps self-

Work's gonna be hell tomorrow as usual I expect, oh joy.

I have no clue what I am doing.

******

不知道为什么，这失落与失望的感觉一次比一次难受。

好不容易才达到这个地步，难道你还不了解我吗？

Misery.

2009-11-03T01:39:00.003+08:00

I feel like at some point in the near future, I will either have to sell/give Nougat away.

No words could even begin to describe how much I love him, how much I have sacrificed for him, but I am seriously doubting my ability to afford to keep him for much longer :(((

If I sell/give Nougat away, my mother would be the happiest woman in the world. She has never liked him and once, even wanted me out of the flat if I didnt get rid of him. (Or maybe it's because I didn't clean up better after him:/ Whatever.)

I am utterly, indescribably miserable.

(You might have guessed by now - I am going through a rough time, possibly the roughest time in my life. How do I get through this.)

Falling in a Black Hole

2009-11-02T14:22:00.005+08:00

I have slightly less than a month to go before my contract here ends.

At this point, I am still completely lost about which step to take next.

Sure, I have a report to complete and a presentation to prepare for (zomg almost making no progress here), not to mention a few hundred hours more of dog grooming before I can dream of laying my hands on my International certificate (kill me, just kill me now).

But what happens when I am done with these 2?

Dog grooming is good money, but I really don't see myself slogging away on spoilt, ill-behaved dogs for the rest of my life. Where is the meaning in that?

I guess I have the option of working on an environmental project with a professor who once taught me, but even that is not definite.

As much as the optimistic side of me wants to, I can't bring myself to pin all my hopes and dreams on the project that is related to the report and presentation mentioned above. Because I have barely started and already I am facing so many set-backs. Even my father thinks it is doomed to fail :(

A lifetime of participating in conservation projects and expeditions around the world would be ideal. Making a documentary ala The Cove or Sharkwater would be a dream come true.

Unfortunately in this world, money talks. And it is something sorely lacking in my bank account.

People come to me and tell me they are as lost as I am, if not more so.

To me, they seem to have the right experiences to pursue the vast number of opportunities available to them.

As for myself? It is as though all my so-called past efforts and experiences were for naught, nobody seems to think that they are valuable or beneficial to anyone. It never fails to leave me regretful and thinking that I should have done more or should have made more effort when I was younger, so that I would not have to be in the position I am in today.

Every single time I meet my parents, all they do is question me about whether I have gone for any interviews yet/gotten any job offers yet/why the flat is so messy.They don't ask me what I want to do with my life, neither do they offer to help. Well my father did discuss my project with me upon request but like I said, he basically told me it is going to lead me to bankrupcy. I can feel them both silently wonder what they did wrong to deserve such a failure of a daughter.

I am tearing as I type this. I am miserable beyond words. I need some guidance.

Is there anyone out there who can help me and point me in the right direction?

What can I do to make you love me?

2009-11-01T02:17:00.013+08:00

Do not believe little boys who claim that they are only going to lie on their bed for a while.

They really mean a veryveryvery-dontbotherwaitingupforme-long-while. -arms akimbo at a certain little boy-

******

Update on the state of my ears: STILL HURTING, DAMNIT.

I have been sleeping like a dead person for the past 2 nights, lying ramrod straight on my back and not moving the whole night. I mostly don't move in my sleep anyway but that's besides the point. I NEED to sleep on my side or tummy!

Horrendously bad hair day for 2 days straight, trouble washing and making my hair look presentable, acrobatic acts while pulling clothes over my head to avoid touching ears, plus not getting proper sleep, all because of this! Never again, I tell you.

Faster heal la, ears! You guys are taking far too long!

******

I really don't understand why people can't be less anal about trivial insignificant matters.

I love Nougat to bits and want only the best for him. Is that so hard to understand?

ANGRY.

I need to smash something.

Pig in Pain :(

2009-10-30T01:14:00.002+08:00

What was I thinking?

Did I leave my brain behind somewhere and forgot to go back to get it?

What made me think that getting 2 more ear piercings was a good idea?! And at the tip of the ear where it's more likely to hurt so much you want to pop painkillers. (Only because the lady said that having 2 piercings side by side on each of my ear lobes doesn't look nice on my ears:( )

Hell yes, I would very much like some painkillers, please. Make that a truckload of painkillers.

I really don't remember ear-piercing causing me so much pain when I was around 4 or 5 years old. Maybe my sense of touch wasn't that developed back then.

Am not a fan of pain. At all. Right before the lady shot the stud through my ear flesh today, I almost passed out from the fear of the impending pain -.- And I am not even kidding. Can't believe I am such a wuss!

I detest pain so much that I have boycotted shoes that cause me blisters and cramp my feet up because even though they might look good, they bloody hurt. I choose comfortable and decent-looking flats anytime. Or havaianas<3

Showering was entirely torturous, how am I going to get any sleep tonight:(

******

Am $705(mt.k) + $28.70 (dress) + $10 (piercings) poorer today :((((

On the bright side, the project is making slight progress! Good to have connections!:)

Lost Sheep.

2009-10-28T00:22:00.000+08:00

I really don't get it.

I get a call-back.

I turn up for interview.

I get told "You don't have the relevant experience or qualifications".

To which I nod and smile politely. What else was there to do?

ZzzzZZzzz.

You saw my CV before seeing me so before meeting me you should have already read my experiences and qualifications. If I don't have what you need, what's the point in calling, damnit.

I sent my CV in because the job scope looked interesting and even if I didn't meet all the requirements, count me in if it means learning new things.

That is, if someone would give me a chance in the first place.

If all jobs require people to have relevant experience, where does that leave the fresh grads???

Am I doomed to a lifetime of temporary assignments, dog grooming, and worrying about not having to go hungry? :(((((((

Chicken or Egg?

2009-10-27T20:38:00.009+08:00

So many thoughts swimming around in my head, crashing blindly into one another.

I am angry.

At myself, for playing and pushing the stupid piece of chicken off onto the tray, only realising it was going to miss the plate when it's far too late.

At you, for making me feel as big as a speck of dust having witnessed me do that.

I tried to rectify my mistake by eating that f**king piece of chicken, not caring whether I'll get food poisoning and puke my guts out, or diarrhoea until I bleed.

Maybe I just wanted to conceal the hurt I felt when you were not more forgiving about me dropping the piece of chicken.

Perhaps we both forgot that you were the one who started playing first, but I guess since you were not the chicken-wasting culprit, no one would remember that.

Hurt was piled on when you spat "up to you lor" when I insisted on eating that dirty piece of chicken, as though you didn't give a shit.

When I tickled you, when I accidentally poked your face too hard, whenever I did something only an idiot would do, that angry face would appear. Fleeting, but present.

Throughout the day I constantly talked about how you kept showing me that angry face. You kept denying it, but if you had been in my shoes, you would have seen the same thing I did. And it hurts.

I guess I thought that you could accept the way I sometimes behaved childishly in the name of good fun.

But I guess I thought wrong.

Yes, I admit that I can be petty at times, getting angry over what you would deem "nothing".

But all those "nothings" I get angry/upset/hurt about, those careless words, casual gestures, revealing expressions, perhaps do much more damage than you ever thought was possible.

What I really want to know is, do they betray your innermost thoughts and feelings?

All those things about you that I have come to know and love, do they still exist? Or have I somehow done something to change what used to make you, you?

This old man, he played one

2009-10-26T00:31:00.012+08:00

The other day when I was walking via the underpass towards Yishun mrt station, there was an old man standing in the middle of the underpass selling packets of tissue paper.

I thought nothing of it and walked past, but something, not sure what, made me glance back towards him again. That was when I noticed that both his knees were wrapped in what looked like knee guards.

I hate seeing the elderly (worse if they are not in good physical condition and doing hard labour) still working to earn a living at their age, when they could be enjoying a relaxed lifestyle doing whatever suited their fancy.

Didn't want to immediately make a u-turn because it would be far too conspicuous.

So I went all the way up the escalator, walked a few metres away, went back down the escalator, headed towards the old man, gave him $1 without taking any tissue paper, and then zoomed back up the escalator.

All the while hoping nobody noticed.

o.O

What is wrong with me, can't even do a little good deed without being sneaky about it.

Affirmative.

2009-10-25T03:19:00.003+08:00

Oh dear.

This sleeping late thing is suicide.

Even though I took a 3hr+ nap when I got home today I am still freaking tired! I even snoozed on the balcony while bunnysitting Nougat during his playtime. Never noticed that he is so damn noisy until today while trying to nap! Nap eventually adjourned to bed.

Oh he was really affectionate the other day for once in his life when he came over to me and licked my hand :))) But I think it was just a ploy to get more treats cos he knows I'm fully capable of spoiling him :( haha. Not gonna yield when it comes to his health though.

******

Why is it that conversations normally go (for example)

x: Shit I am damn stupid.

y: No what I think you are not stupid at all!

Instead of

x: Shit I am damn stupid.

y: No lah I think you are very smart!

Makes you think, doesn't it. :(

I'd like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly

2009-10-23T01:45:00.003+08:00

This shall be a rambling post about random nothings.

The other day after grooming, went to a Thai restaurant at Yishun for dinner. We ordered pineapple fried rice for 2 (so-so only), kang kong (delicious, BUT found a pubic hair-like strand of hair in it :S), gongbao chicken (extra spicy:D), claypot toufu (YUMMYYYY), and tom yam soup.

I think we uh, over-ordered cos there were only 2 of us. But the bill came up to a whopping... $27. Actually it's $26 cos there was a mysterious discount of $1. So much food for so little money. Not bad huh.

Wouldn't mind going there again cos the food is really not bad, but if I find hair where there should not be hair AGAIN, I think I will boycott that place.

Compare the price of that to the price at Din Tai Fung. Ordered 10 xiaolongbaos and 1 plate of prawn+egg fried rice (meagre portion) and we had to pay $25!! Madness. At least the food was good and uncontaminated (or was it? I had super bad diarrhoea after that dunno if it's from the food from dinner or lunch)

Speaking of that super bad diarrhoea. We were walking from JP to my place and SUDDENLY I had a terrible tummyache and it got progressively worse with every footstep. Some more had to wait at the void deck for him to drive his car down from the multistorey carpark cos my stuff were still inside and by this time the toxic waste was threatening to bomb my underwear and intestines :(

And speaking of tummyaches, I had another really bad one the day before that. Because I decided to be adventurous about food for once. Contrary to popular belief, I do not always order the same food. ahem.

After work and upon arriving at JP, I immediately marched over to Thai Express specifically to order the tom yam fried rice that he ordered the other day because it was good and I was craving for fried rice.

But when I looked at the menu again I spotted something I had always wanted to try but didnt have the guts to/insisted on remaining faithful to my beloved Fire Noodles.

The Yellow Ginger Chicken Rice (voted most spicy).

The waitress tried to warn me about the spicyness ("it is 4-5 times more spicy than our tom yam soup") but I was not to be dissuaded, and confidently declared that it was the one I wanted. I am a survivor of countless medium spicy mala steamboat sessions, I can take this bring it on!

(sidetrack: have been craving for mala steamboat for MONTHS!! HINT HINT TO SOMEONE,ANYONE.)

Luckily I had the presence of mind to tapao the food home, otherwise I would have been a sight to behold for the waiters/waitresses and the other Thai Express patrons. (and also cos I didnt wanna eat there alone lah)

Why? Because I took amost 3 hours to finish that thing, while moping up sweat that was pooling around me, and also continuously wiping my tears and runny nose. It would have been an utter nightmare, had it not been delicious :)

And this thing also caused the insane tummyache that lasted the whole night. No diarrhoea though, think all the germs and bacteria if there were any kena scared off by that shitload of killer chilli padis already. Call me crazy but I might order it again sometime in the next 10 years hahaha. It's good! And I might be masochistic.

Oh yeah because I have the habit of not buying clothes that I like on that day itself (dont wanna be impulsive), I always end up not getting them in the end because when I go back there the item is always SOLD OUT. What the heck. This led to me buying 3 $11.90 tank tops at one go recently, all the same cut but with different prints. haha. Shit.

Colleague gave me a souvenir she bought from her trip to Korea:) It's a very pretty nailclipper with a handmade figurine attached to it.

And he bought me a lovely pair of Dupe flipflops yesterday too. I<3gifts:)))

OOooh Baby Baby It's A Wild World..

2009-10-20T23:37:00.000+08:00

That large manly (ahem) hairy arm is not mine. Just in case anyone was wondering. I guess that anyone would be the single reader I have, who coincidentally owns said arm.

Went to watch Mr. Big at Fort Canning Park on Sunday!!

My FIRST ever rock concert!

And the $93 that I paid was worth every hardearned cent:)

At first when the concert ended and they took their bows and all I was like, WAIT, what about my favourite To Be With You?!?!?!? And started feeling abit pissed because I did not endure all the rude inconsiderate fellow concert-goers, extremely humid weather, itchy legs from sitting on the grass while waiting, grass bits stuck to sweaty inner thigh (how did they get there?!) and light-less portable toilets for nothing!

However, was optimistic at the same time because they could be coming out for an encore! (But then again I read that Lady Gaga didn't)

And they did!! Not once but TWICE. 2 encores!!! They are fabulous I tell you. Oh and they only made us wait half an hour. Which I think is not bad considering some other bands/singers make their fans wait more than 2 hours!

I could yabber on and on about all the shitheads we had the misfortune of encountering, for eg. these 3 tall stinky idiots who, in the middle of the concert, barged their way in between us (shit man they even used their grimy hands to separate us by pushing us apart!) and freaking stood RIGHT IN FRONT OF US.

Hello we got there first I think we deserved our spots even though I could barely see anything. But these 3 imbeciles made it infinitely worse.

What's more, they started to smoke! Damn inconsiderate. People who wanted to sing/scream along with the band could only choke on the smoke.

If you wish to pursue a black-lunged and cancered life please don't let anyone stop you, but can you freaking not drag the rest of us non-smokers down to hell with you?

Wish I had the guts to tell them to get lost but nope, it's sad that I'm not that kind of confrontational person. Sigh):

Anyway shall not waste anymore time talking about uncivilised fools.

On to happier things, the concert was 2.5hrs of pure awesomeness. No intermission mind you. Wish I had done more homework on them beforehand though.

Am now more familiar with many of their other songs (came home and immediately youtubed Just Take My Heart), and am now a bigger fan of Mr. Big than ever:)

heh heh. My trusty digicam not bad, right? ;)

Jonathan The Stoic Husky

2009-10-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

I shaved this husky's all 4 paw-pads all by myself today and did quite a good job if I do say so myself:) Very neat and no accidental cuts whatsoever. Only my second go at shaving paw-pads!

Damnit. Every single time I go dog grooming I end up choking on dog hair / getting nostrils clogged by dog hair / trying to not go blind when strands of hair show no mercy when attacking my eyes.

Reminder to self: Please wear lab goggles next time. And the facemask (aka H1N1/SARS mask) stays on THE WHOLE FREAKING TIME.

So there was an article in the NewPaper today about pets getting killed by (most probably uncertified) dog groomers.

And one of the culprits who got interviewed did not even display a teenyweeny morsel of remorse when the confused and devastated dog's owner arrived at the shop to find his dog dead!

Hello it's someone's beloved pet over here that you KILLED. Perhaps by accident but who knows right since the owners don't usually stay to watch the whole grooming process. Maybe you were too violent and aggressive with the poor helpless dog when you lost your temper at it!

This guy DECLINED TO BE NAMED in the article by the way. Why?? Is your guilty conscience getting the better of you? Are you ashamed now?

If there is one thing I've learnt from the past few months of grooming, it is patience. Some dogs just behave so badly that they manage to induce violent hands-gripping-neck images in your mind. But they are animals who act on instinct so you can't really blame them.

Cant deny that I've shed more than my fair share of tears of frustration though.

Anyway I have been really careful so far and no dog under my care has been strangled on his own leash or had his paw sliced off by a shaver. -touch wood-

Pet owners! Please only entrust your faithful companions in the hands of gentle, experienced and certified groomers. Or risk losing them forever.

If you ask me to, I just might change my mind

2009-10-19T03:36:00.000+08:00

Shit.

This long weekend has destroyed months of regulating my sleep pattern to sleep never later than 1am. Been sleeping at like 3+ am the past 3 nights including tonight! UNACCEPTABLE.

See! This is what happens when I finally get to enjoy a weekend that even remotely resembles a proper weekend i.e. sleeping in and being an excellent overall bummer.

Anyway NO WORK TOMORROW (or rather, later) because of Delightful Deepavali :)))

But. Will have to face dogsdogsdogs and more dogs the whole day.

Let's hope I survive yet another doggone Monday.

It's only words

2009-10-18T02:01:00.003+08:00

-Amidst conversation about bookstores during dinner-

A certain fatherly figure, "Harry's doesn't have that many books. But WAH Chikungunya has soooo many books".

Kinokuniya would be pleased to be associated with a life-threatening disease.

******

I finally had to throw away this candy rose that I lugged all across Europe and all the way back home in one piece a few months ago.

Because when I came home this weekend, I saw that it was infested with a freaking army of ants that have conquered my room in my absence.

He gave it to me on that heartwrenching day in Cologne to cheer me up. And now it's gone forever):

Goodbye rose, you will be missed.

******

Today, I FINALLYFINALLYFINALLY got to indulge in my favourite activity of all time: SLEEP.

Slept 7.5 hours last night and 4 GLORIOUS hours during my afternoon nap. (First nap since time in memorial, cue fireworks and celebration)

Also, I am going to up my standard of Bahasa Malaysia and German!! Nothing is going to get in my way! Not even sleep.

Should I stay or Should I go...

2009-10-18T01:08:00.002+08:00

Things lacking in the apartment

1. Ceiling fans (there are NONE at the moment. Tragic.)

2. A maid

3. A bathtub (Not that I would ever use it ‘cos it’s a waste of water and I’m simply too lazy, but at least I can take comfort in the fact that it's there to use if I want to)

4. At least 2 clocks (one in living room, one in my bedroom)

5. A radio

6. A certain someone (minus the mindblowing farts which make you want to take a gun to your head)